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与母亲不和会影响人生?美专家揭秘母亲对人的影响

2018-07-12 14:38:00 环球网 分享
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  【环球网综合报道】你是否曾与母亲争吵?不悦的画面是否留下了难忘的阴影?这些会对你产生怎样的影响?又该怎样正确处理母子关系?据法国《费加罗夫人》报道,近日,美国一项心理学研究揭示了母亲对人成长的影响。调查发现,与母亲和睦相处,科学沟通,保持良好的关系,更有利于个人身心及前途的发展。

  母爱是把双刃剑。在孩子的成长教育阶段,母亲的某些的教育方式会对孩子的心灵造成伤害,形成一种潜在的,不易被察觉的阴影和痛苦,这种影响在母女关系中更为常见。来自美国的新词“Mother wound”(母爱创伤)即用来形容这类创伤。这些来自亲子关系的伤害,会影响孩子的行为、与他人的关系、成为母亲时的表现,甚至影响孩子追求并实现自己的幸福与目标。

  为什么会出现这种情况?问题的根源又在哪里?美国某心理学家就该问题对50对19岁至72岁的母女进行了分开采访,结果显示,女儿们普遍认为母亲对她们造成了伤害,母亲却纷纷否认,并表示自己只是出于好心。心理学家认为,问题在于母亲和孩子并不能有效沟通和相互理解。一方面女儿们已尽己所能却仍遭训斥,因此倍感委屈;另一方面,母亲们也因孩子的表现感到不悦和痛苦。二者似乎完全不在同一个频率上。

  另一个原因在于,孩子们往往对母亲这一角色有过高的要求和期待,当个好母亲也由此变得更加艰难。孩子们希望母亲可以身兼数职,既是自己的导师、启蒙者,给自己的未来指引方向,也要成为自己将来的榜样。但仍有很多母亲难以把握自己的角色以及与女儿交往的尺度和距离,太近的距离往往会让关系面临危机。比如,一些母亲会把孩子当做朋友,向孩子倾诉隐私,但孩子却会对这种亲密关系倍感不适,因为她们需要的是一个教导自己在社会中立身处世的人。一旦母子关系的平衡被打破,一件小事,一次打击,一场冲突都会让矛盾加剧,进而爆发二者间的冲突,在孩子心中留下阴影。

  面对这些创伤,要如何化解冲突和矛盾,更好地处理母子关系呢?在双方缺乏沟通不能有效解决矛盾的时候,首先应明确问题出在哪里,自己为什么感到受伤。其次,应思考是否对对方的意图产生了误解,比如尝试着问自己“我是怎么看待妈妈的表现的?妈妈究竟想要说什么?”一旦这些因误会产生的矛盾得以化解,心情也就会趋于平静。妈妈会体谅孩子的心情,孩子也会原谅妈妈的不完美。最后,当两方得以互相谅解时,问题也就迎刃而解,关系也就会变得和谐起来。

  人无完人,人与人之间的关系也并不完美。母亲在我们的成长经历中扮演着重要的角色,在点滴间影响着我们的生活。因此,在和母亲发生争执时,无论是孩子还是母亲都应放平心态,互相理解相互沟通。即使感觉受到了伤害,也要积极面对,正确处理。用理解和宽容,化解心中的矛盾,维持良好的母子关系,实现自身的健康发展与成长!(实习编译:池成 审稿:赵怡蓁)

  

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